President Trump went after MSNBC “Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brzezinski via Twitter on Thursday morning, prompting a wave of commentary from media pundits and politicians alike:

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However, Politicule has uncovered the real truth behind Trump’s reasoning for not inviting Mika into his “humble abode.”

An anonymous White House Aid confirmed, “President Trump is very protective of the micro-fibers on his Tabriz Carpet. One is not allowed to even walk on this carpet unless they are barefoot, and, if a voluptuous female, naked. Each fiber on this carpet represents a poor Iranian child that was forced to watch “The Apprentice” during the long two-month weaving process. The micro-fibers are full of sweat, and tears. Ok, mostly tears. However, a blood stain would simply not do, no. When this type of carpet stains, you cannot call Stanley Steemer to repair the defect, or even Rosie O’Donnell with a scrub brush. The entire carpet must go. It’s very much like the President’s own head of hair, you see? One imperfection, and the entire piece must be destroyed and replaced. Or, colored a darker orange. But that is not possible with this carpet.”

Mika Brzezinski returned fire on social media, later this afternoon:

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