Millions of Fox-News viewers tuned in Monday evening, eager to watch the Helsinki Summit between President Trump and President Vladimir V. Putin, only to find that Fox-News instead, had a Lord of the Rings Marathon showing, along with a small blurb underneath indicating the Summit Coverage would be coming in 72 hours.
Tommy “One Thumb” Mgee, a plumber from Little Rock, Arkansas, is one Fox News viewer who was deeply confused by the incident.
“I had my Schaeffer’s Beer freshly chilled, I squats on my favorite rocker, ready to watch this Summit thang, and I read on the Fox News Alert Ticker that this guy Gandalf is in big trouble from some Balrog character. Not sure if that’s Secretary of the State or Treasury, but judging by his clothes and hat, I’d say somebody from the KKK is trying to pull a fast one on Mr. Trump.”
Other viewers were deeply disturbed, like Madyline Smith, from Dallas, Texas.
“When that Fox News Alert came up, and I saw a dragon flying through the sky, I yelled to my hubby to shutter up them windows and get the bomb shelter prepped, this Putin character done unleashed the Flying Vipers of Hell upon us good Christians. He must be stopped! Oh Mr. Trump, please watch your back, and for Heaven’s sake, please don’t put on that ring, no matter what the voices tell you!”
Down at Fox News Headquarters, rumors were quickly swirling that the #1 News Station was delaying the Summit Coverage given Trump’s repeated back peddling and constant screwups.
Mike Magee, a Fox News janitorial assistant who spoke with our live team this morning, said he walked past Tucker Carlson’s office where he saw the young anchor looking into the mirror and screaming “I can’t spin this! I CAN’T SPIN THIS! It’s Lord of the Rings time, people!”
After watching several more minutes of the Summit on his office TV, Tucker reportedly ran into the hallways screaming, “Get the Hobbit Trilogy going as well, damn it! And Star Wars as backup, just in case!”
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