List of Potential 2020 Presidential Democrats Includes List of Celebrities Including Geoffrey the Giraffe
Democrat leaders across the United States gathered at the “Pig and Ale” bar in downtown Hoboken late Tuesday evening to discuss the future of the party, as well as any opportunity to introduce a strong candidate into the mix for the 2020 election against Republican President, Donald Trump.
“Get your hands off your junk pile and perk up for a minute you lame brains,” shouted California’s Dianne Goldman Berman Feinstein, who also happens to be the country’s oldest serving Senator. “I think it’s time to bring the goddamn pain to the game this time around, and here’s how we’re going to light it up in 2020.”
Feinstein continued shouting over the 1987 single, “I Need You Tonight” by INXS that was blaring in the background, “Let’s get some celebrity, sex and sizzle all up in this election, Democrat style. I’m passing around a couple copies of my candidate list for you assholes to approve.”
Politicule.com was able to exclusively obtain a copy of the handwritten list, which appeared to have been written with various instruments, including mascara, highlighter and what may be Pace Picante Medium Salsa sauce. The note included very low level celebrities, fictional characters, notes to herself and potentially individuals that may not exist.
1. Carl Winslow from the show “Family Matters”
2. Geoffrey the Giraffe from Toys R’ Us
3. Celebrity Chef Ainsley Harriott (maybe too hard to get???)
4. ur mom lol
5. Axel F from that song Axel F (is he a real guy or no?)
7. Suzanne Somers or Tony Little or somebody fit and easy on the eyes
8. somebody with a hook for a hand
9. Abraham Lincoln
The list was met with excitement as Democratic Minority Leader Chuck Schumer [NY], lifted his growler of Pabst Blue Ribbon and screamed “Hip Hip Hooray for Axel F in 2020!”